the purple cosmos died in the garden before the frost
my mother drilled fingers into black seaweed to put on compost
the roses would be stronger she said
rocks gathered at the shore -we put fireflies in our mouths
to light the way across to the mainland
little clangs from a buoy drifted to our ears, alone in the black sea
a seahorse greeted us with a tail of gold sequins no different
than the man I loved on some nights
when the winds weren’t too hard
he cut big fish in two with one straight, flush slice
he used his teeth when he finished
his arms full of scales, translucent- stuck to elbows and arm pits
we ate cracked ceramic plates to test our love
my father said he was quiet and good
I knew that too
Though I wanted a suited man with fancy leather shoes
softly crossing a city street- a finance man
the house I came from broke in shreds, wood and plaster
the roses vanished under new tenants
the dining room with all the mad talk and people both dead and alive
quieted down, silence grew roots enough to choke the city man
and the other one married some local- she’s fat and pregnant now
- when the fog horn thrummed low enough to breathe
we remembered what was left, the debris after a big storm
the rib cage of metal
a parrot who sat in the corner and laughed with us
one cat with no ear and dogs with bad legs who bathed in wine at our feet
old pilings of driftwood, the fancy silver was stolen, all the books
turned to ash, junebugs died by morning, their little shells I saved
and then they were lost in some garage
my toenails were buried in a basement of someone I didn’t know or love
it was a new house, the ugly prefab kind
a chemical spill stretched the eastern seaboard
the tides all rose so no one could have first floors
curtains ripped and were made into dresses for stoic, old women
in nursing homes who complained all day
of people talking on cellphones
sputtering monosyllables through open space
we lost our family name, the screws rusted, the wood floorboards
were packed in big duffel bags and carried to war
boys spat venom and then kissed me between thighs of waxy flesh
where I wrote my last word
the everything that was
is